I wonder if coming back to blogging after a long hiatus is like riding a bike?
Does muscle memory take over?
That all I need to do is sit down, move my fingers,
and trust that what is supposed to come
I have taken some intentional time off because quite plainly,
I am tired of writing.
I am sick and tired of thinking of words.
Of writing words.
Of reading my words.
I don’t know if anyone else who has attempted to write a book has felt like this, but it has hit me hard. Yet this blog was the reason I was able to write the book (coming Winter ’14!!) was because of this medium. Blogging has enabled me to discover that which I did I not know I had. Gifts that I had no idea were deep within–words. And this was the time and place and space for this gift to be released. And it was all divine surprise.
I had no idea.
But living, breathing, dreaming words these past 2 years to get this manuscript (which still might only be a sopping wet 100 pages) has been quite the fight. The struggle with me embracing this gift and opportunity, to being vulnerable and open for the fruits to come forth.
It wasn’t always pretty.
It wasn’t ever glamorous.
Most of the time it was just plain hard.
But somewhere at the intersection of exhaustion and self-pity, towards the end of my manuscript writing, where I wondered what I had gotten into and maybe I heard wrong–maybe this wasn’t what I was to do–because isn’t that what I’ve always heard…
Everyone has God given gifts and talents!
Your gifts give you life!
Your gifts bring about joy and purpose and make the world a better place!
Between wanting to pull my hair out and run away to another country,
I remembered labor.
It hurts like hell.
Zach was 9 pounds 9 ounces, and came into this world in just under 3 hours and 4 pushes.
And I felt absolutely every bit of his hoss body emerge into this world.
So as I sat there and applied my guiding principles that “gifts/my call” supposing that it should feel like rainbows and unicorns doesn’t cut it.
Because sometimes in order to get to the gift, you have to go through labor.
And labor hurts.
But the gift is there.
In this soul work, the gift emerges in time, and I stare in amazement at what the Creator knit together.
Whether that be 9 pounds 9 ounces of flesh and bone or 3 measly ounces of wood pulp.
It is coming, folks. It is coming.
Thanks for sticking with me as it unfolds and breathes its own life.
Making meaning in each of you.
This journey of writing my own awakening to the ministry of parenthood has been quite the journey indeed.
And it is far from over.
Thanks for joining with me through this labor because as my dear friend and mentor told me in the most difficult days of writing,
no one labors alone.
And so when my fabulous sister-in-law, Catie, asked me today about the blog and how she checks in from time to time to see if anything is new, she reminded me about this
community that companions.
As I offer what I’ve been given, I find that I am sustained all along the way and gird up the courage to keep on keeping on.
Whatever your gift(s) are, how are you being invited to offer them to the community around you, not only to share the load, but through sharing bless and multiply the gift given?